The Audition

-       The Audition -

      You know, a lot of people notice how comfortable I am in my own skin and I am living a fabulous life, but actually people don’t know that I always lived with insecurities and over analyzing every thing. Case in point, the few months leading to the audition, I struck up a friendship with Jonathan and we grew closer as friends as he is getting more and more popular in our year. He also become a good friend of Devon and spent a lot of times rehearsing, since he is also auditioning for the musical. Due to our friendships, we spent lots of times together outside of the classrooms. It had been our regular schedules to speak on the phones at night and we always had lunch in the same big table with my friends.  Without I realize it, I might feel something for him, something that is outside the boundary of friendship. I think I am in love and judging from his behaviors, I might say he is too.

      At the rehearsals, I was one of the people who called first and I breezed my acting part and sang a song from “Bombshell: The Musical” called “Don’t forget me”.  As always, they clapped for my auditions and smiles for my performances. Then, its time for his audition and I would not say he is a good actor, but his voice was so mesmerizing. He sang a song from that pop band that I heard on the radio a few weeks ago and told him that I like it. I may not have all the technical part of singing down to the T, but I do know when someone is pouring his heart into a song.  It was just fantastic to hear him sing. The next day, the news came back and of course, I had the role that I want and also is Jonathan.

      Everything went so fast, where rehearsals for our roles were so intense and we were caught with studying lines, blockings, and do costumes fitting for our show. It was exhausting, but I was happy because we were getting closer and closer. It all changed on one Saturday morning where we were rehearsing, I was having an especially hard day in the office with new choreographies and new songs. It was the worst day of rehearsals for me and I just got kicked out of the stage to have a break before I am having a major melt down. There I was, sitting in the right wing of the stage among the properties, when he came sit next to me. At first, he just smiled at me and offered me a water to drink, but I could not take it anymore and just burst into tears because of stress. I was sobbing non-stop and had my hand covers my face, suddenly I feel two hands enveloping me and bring me to a hard chest. I could not stop crying and he was just there held me until my tears are dry. At that moment, I told myself that maybe he is in love with me and I kissed him.

       Well, sad to say that my love story with Jonathan ended up badly. After that kiss, he went mad and started to create a distance from me. Not long after the end of the shows, I started to hear rumors about my sexuality and the boys at school started to mock me for who I am, even my own brother made disgusting remarks about me. That year, I made a promise to myself to not fall in love or think about useless men. That year, I turned my heart into one big block of ice and earned the nickname “Ice Queen”.