-
“Would
you like a cup of Campbell’s?-
“Beep, beep, beep” my small white
Ikea’s clock chiming to say good morning to me and as I turned it off, I
realized that I am no longer in my home. I am in china, living my life in
another country that I never thought I would step my feet on. People said that
everything is different in China and I must say that it is true. For the first
time in my life, I lived in a dorm of a University and my bed is made of a
wooden plank that is designed to torture my back. Dragging myself out of the bed,
I went to have a nice dose of cold shower to get the sleepiness away from me. I
decided to wear a light outfit today because its summer and taking more showers
than normal is not really in my agenda.
I moved to China
about a week ago to attend the so-called “Harvard of Asia” and because I earned
a scholarship to attend their master course. I don’t have any expectations about anything,
especially about boys. Ever since that tragedy with Jonathan, I have sworn
myself for not being in love with boys or men, just used them like Samantha did
every week for 6 years and don’t let them get to you. So far, that attitude is
working so well for me. I might be an ice queen inside, but forgive me boys,
once you fulfilled your duties; you are out of my bed and my life.
In my agenda
today, I am scheduled to take a crash course of Chinese language for a week,
just some survival skills so I can speak the language when needed. As usual, I
am late to the class and took the front seats just like any good Asian student
will do and sitting sideways so I can always see the people in class. In the
beginning of the year, I always like to be alone and figuring out people before
befriending them. After two hours of grueling language course, I had decided to
go back to my room as soon as possible because of the heat. However, when I was
walking away from the class, I heard someone said “Hey” to me and I turned
around, he was smiling at me and due to my Royal Javanese upbringing, I have to
be polite and replied his smile. He introduced himself as Mr. Campbell from the
US and he taught in one of the school in Peking University. He was polite,
smart, and kind, a perfect gentleman to sum it up. Because he had to go to his
office, I decided to ask him his phone number and email, so I can just contact
him. To be honest, that little boy inside me indicates that I might be
infatuated by him, but my brain stopped it and helped me to cool down.
So, I went back
to my dorm room and decided to spend my days listening to the new album by Zedd.
While “Clarity” is playing over and over, I can’t help to think about Mr.
Campbell. My mind is debating if I should just pick up my phone to call him or
send him an email to meet up. In the end, I decided to turn off my Internet
connection and just go take a nap. Awake refresh after a few hours of sleep, I
found that he is not invading my mind anymore and I went to indulge myself by
singing and watch some movies.
For dinner, I
went to meet with my Asian friends, non-local for sure, and we had dinner while
discussing about all of the activities that the school planned for us. In
general, we are excited, but it sounds to be a hassle because starting tomorrow
we will have an intensive week of math sessions. As an Asian, I am so
embarrassed to admit that I am not so well versed in the language of
mathematics. I might be a math freak and genius up to Junior High School, but I
found some other things that I am more interested in and decided to pursue it.
After the
small but fulfilling dinner, I went to my room to get started on reading on
some books that I bought while I was in Hong Kong. I was on my first chapter of
reading Paolo Cuelho’s “Eleven minutes” when the thought of him came into my
mind. So, I grabbed my phone and went to peruse my phone contact list to get
his number. In my brain, I know that I should not do it as soon as possible,
just to wait for a while and do not be so hasty. After all, the year has just
begun and I will have plenty of times to find men to be used and boys to be
played.
It was a few
days after the language course that I finally met with him again. It was in a
night session of the language course and the weather was not friendly, its
rainy and I had to put my jacket in a supermodel mode, like a cape. He was
there among the first people who came to the class, sitting next to his
colleagues from the school where he taught. Until now, I still remembered the
way he looked and later on I realized that he would always use the same style
throughout the months I know him. I did not speak so much to him, but I am
fighting the urge to go there and asked him out for dinner. But, somehow I
managed to restrain myself from doing so and survived the whole class without
giving him another times of my life.
Everything
changed when the night times come; I decided to send him an introductory email.
It was a simple email saying my name and telling him my number, do you want to
go out for dinner and basically putting myself out there. He did not reply me
straight away, but an hour later he sent a reply saying, “Okay, meet me down in
the café around 9 pm”. To say that I am excited is a major understatement of
the century; I was hysterical about his reply. So, I found myself getting ready
to meet him. Exactly at 9 pm, I came into the café and he was already there
waiting for me in the furthest sofa in the café. I ordered some banana milk
shake and he ordered a chocolate one. Our conversations were awkward at first,
but once he said that he is gay, then everything became so much better in my
opinion, or at least in my head.
We ended our
hour-long conversations and I offered if he wants to go back to my place. He
said okay and we walked to my room talking about how small and annoying the
dorm room is. As we arrived in my room, I offered him something to drink that
he politely refused. Maybe it is because of my loneliness that had surrounded
me for years, I decided to make some moves to him. First, I moved my sitting
position to be closer to him and started to ask him some suggestive questions.
However, it does not end the way I wanted to, he just deflected all of my moves
and diplomatically answered my questions, then told me that he would like to go
back to his place. At that point, I felt like my confidence just got shot down,
but he did told me that he would like to still meet me for dinner and to go
travel together. At first, I just brushed his offered as just him being nice to
me; little did I know that later on he would turn my life upside down and
inside out. Mr. Campbell, you don’t know what you did to me and I don’t know
how to resist you…
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