It has been a very long time since I update my blog. Consistency is something that I had a problem with, I can admit now. It is something that can be proven by my lack of update and my terrible work performance. I had been going like a zombie for the past few months, complaining about work, when the real problem is me.
I am demotivated, inconsistence and all lost. This combination sends me into a deep depression that i feel like endless. As i go deeper, i found myself to be mad at everything. I need helps, but I am too scared to ask for it.
I have been disappointed left and right. i have been disappointed by people, by friends, and by my family.
I am not a money hungry person, but i always like to know where my money has gone. Every months, i paid for the house rent and my mother says that she will exchange the money then keep it in my bank accounts. 11 months later, I have not seen a penny yet.
Meanwhile, I have to pay for my brother's electricity bill and house rent as well. On top of that, i have my own expenses and when I asked her about my money, she asked me why you did not get to save any money!
How cruel it is?
my mom said he has been working by doing people's essay and paid for his own necessities. As far as I am concern, he spend the day playing, wasting electricity by turning his computer all night with movies on and he slept.
what a life....
meanwhile, i am here slaving away in the office.
a trip down the depression line......when can i get out of this funk?
Saturday, 3 December 2011
Tuesday, 27 September 2011
A promise of a revamp update
I have been neglecting my blog for quite sometimes now. Works coming in between my words, life disturbs the flow of my creative juice. But, i am promising myself to dedicate at least once a day to update this blog.
This blog won't be about the songs that I like or how i feel, it will include reviews of whatever it is that i have been enjoying lately.
Stay tune!
This blog won't be about the songs that I like or how i feel, it will include reviews of whatever it is that i have been enjoying lately.
Stay tune!
We found love in a hopeless place
I am totally in love with Rihanna's new song called "We Found Love" and it is assist by the amazing Calvin Harris.
I am in love now, although that person is so far away...meeting at night through visual optic channel is just a pleasure. You share the deepest secret with me and I definitely found love...in a hopeless place...Internet...
I love you...
I am in love now, although that person is so far away...meeting at night through visual optic channel is just a pleasure. You share the deepest secret with me and I definitely found love...in a hopeless place...Internet...
I love you...
Thursday, 23 June 2011
For a very good friend of mine
- I am not good with words, I love to say it through songs. Just listen to this one and hope it helps-
When I, thought I knew you
Thinking, that you were true
I guess I, I couldn't trust
'Cause your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were, there by my side
Always, down for the ride
But your, joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out of shame, mmhmm
After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
Oh, ohh
Never, saw it coming
All of, your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in
On a good thing before I realized your game
I heard, you're going around
Playing, the victim now
But don't, even begin
Feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave, uh huh
After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore
Uh, no more, oh no, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
When I, thought I knew you
Thinking, that you were true
I guess I, I couldn't trust
'Cause your bluff time is up
'Cause I've had enough
You were, there by my side
Always, down for the ride
But your, joy ride just came down in flames
'Cause your greed sold me out of shame, mmhmm
After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
Oh, ohh
Never, saw it coming
All of, your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in
On a good thing before I realized your game
I heard, you're going around
Playing, the victim now
But don't, even begin
Feeling I'm the one to blame
'Cause you dug your own grave, uh huh
After all of the fights and the lies
Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore
Uh, no more, oh no, it's over
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you
'Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
It makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
Coldplay mix
I've been listening to all the latest songs (bear in mind, its only tunes from A-List artists and some unknown ones) and Coldplay's new song strikes me a lot. I dont know whether I like it or I hate it, i just listened it for the first time.
However, Coldplay remains as one of the bands that I like so much and I adore their songs.
Here is my Top 10 list:
1. FIX YOU
2. Yellow
3. The Scientist
4. Trouble
5. Clocks
6. Viva La Vida
7. In My Place
8. Speed of Sounds
9. Gravity (Cover of Embrace)
10. Shiver
Anyway, i am posting the new song of coldplay called EVERY TEARDROP IS A WATERFALL
Enjoy!
However, Coldplay remains as one of the bands that I like so much and I adore their songs.
Here is my Top 10 list:
1. FIX YOU
2. Yellow
3. The Scientist
4. Trouble
5. Clocks
6. Viva La Vida
7. In My Place
8. Speed of Sounds
9. Gravity (Cover of Embrace)
10. Shiver
Anyway, i am posting the new song of coldplay called EVERY TEARDROP IS A WATERFALL
Enjoy!
Tuesday, 21 June 2011
Ego
So,
Today's song is Beyonce's Ego and I am not talking a relationship. Its about someone that I know whose Ego is bigger than the people that I know. Probably bigger than Kanye West..
Anyway....here is the song
Today's song is Beyonce's Ego and I am not talking a relationship. Its about someone that I know whose Ego is bigger than the people that I know. Probably bigger than Kanye West..
Anyway....here is the song
Tuesday, 31 May 2011
A question
~So confused wanna ask you if you love me
But I don't wanna seem so weak
Maybe I've been California dreaming~
But I don't wanna seem so weak
Maybe I've been California dreaming~
Monday, 30 May 2011
To a friend that I cherished the most....
For the past 23 years, 31st of may does not mean anything other than just a date. Nothing special, nothing important, and especially nothing worth remembering. However, this year there is a new meaning of that particular date, albeit a sad one. I still remember the first day I stepped on the office and I was nobody. I do not know anyone and to be honest, I was terrified. Yet, she said hello to me and took time to know who I am. My first couple of days became quite memorable. I still remember the day when I had to make lots of christmas labels to be distributed fast and she along with Gek helped all night until 9 pm. That's the first thing that I noticed about her...how helpful she is. Then, when I got a scolding, a big one, I rang her up and she will listen to me.
As the weeks passed by, we did not get closer straight away, but I realized that I have a friend in her. I saw the sweat and the tears she had during the fashion show and deep down I am saying "If i can do Half the thing she is doing, I would be so awesome", because that is what she is...Awesome.
In January, things become a bit hectic knowing that one of our friend is leaving and eventually her work is falling on me. But, she encouraged me in her own way and giving me supports that keeps me out of depression. As event goes and days passed by, we grew closer and she started to bring out the best in me as she did with other people. Never in my life, I would see someone is so cheerful and sunny but sometimes I can see the light in her diminished and the waterworks will start. Its hard to know that she cried because she was unfairly treated for doing excellent jobs that she loves to do.
Then, the news come like a thunder in the day light....although I must admit that I saw it coming. After months of working, she has decided to resigned. Although it is very hard for me and would be a very selfish decision if I asked her to stay, I have to accept the fact that she is leaving for a better environment.
Prav, I am very thankful for everything that you taught me and the thing that you have done for me. I am sure that everybody will missed you so much and they will shed tears when you leave. That, my friend, is the testament of how precious you are for all of us. I am praying for you, your happiness and your future successes which I believe will be a lot. I am happy that you are happy and finally, something can put a smile in your face.
-V-
especially for you.......
As the weeks passed by, we did not get closer straight away, but I realized that I have a friend in her. I saw the sweat and the tears she had during the fashion show and deep down I am saying "If i can do Half the thing she is doing, I would be so awesome", because that is what she is...Awesome.
In January, things become a bit hectic knowing that one of our friend is leaving and eventually her work is falling on me. But, she encouraged me in her own way and giving me supports that keeps me out of depression. As event goes and days passed by, we grew closer and she started to bring out the best in me as she did with other people. Never in my life, I would see someone is so cheerful and sunny but sometimes I can see the light in her diminished and the waterworks will start. Its hard to know that she cried because she was unfairly treated for doing excellent jobs that she loves to do.
Then, the news come like a thunder in the day light....although I must admit that I saw it coming. After months of working, she has decided to resigned. Although it is very hard for me and would be a very selfish decision if I asked her to stay, I have to accept the fact that she is leaving for a better environment.
Prav, I am very thankful for everything that you taught me and the thing that you have done for me. I am sure that everybody will missed you so much and they will shed tears when you leave. That, my friend, is the testament of how precious you are for all of us. I am praying for you, your happiness and your future successes which I believe will be a lot. I am happy that you are happy and finally, something can put a smile in your face.
-V-
especially for you.......
Bleeding Heart
I know that the song that I pick today won't have any sense of relevancy to the feeling that I am experiencing now. It's just that every time I got sad, I will submerge myself into these mellow songs and find the source to gain my strength. People perceived me as weak, they will do anything they can do to me through words and attitudes. I know who you are and you know who am I speaking about. One day, I will be the last one standing and having the last laugh.....
Enough with the emo fiesta.....just listen to this...
Enough with the emo fiesta.....just listen to this...
Tuesday, 24 May 2011
Monday, 23 May 2011
Turning it upside down
"So I won't let you close enough to hurt me,
No, I won't rescue you to just desert me,
I cant give you the heart you think you gave me,
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables"
-Turning Tables by Adele-
During one of her interview for her new album, Adele told the reporters that her main inspiration of her songs came from the break up of her relationships. Listening through her songs, you can feel the raw angst flowing through her voice and it seeps into your heart through the melodies that she created. I may not be an amazing singer as she, but I can relate her songs to my stories.
In my life, many tables had been turned by people..they all come and go, they became fragments of my memories. Every day, I will meet new faces and creating new memories that I hope it will last longer than the previous ones. However, when the reality sinks in, those fragments are trashed into dust of glasses swept by the wind.
I am an extremely private person and its hard for me to let someone in, let alone trust that person fully. But, lots of people have turns the tables on me and frankly, I had enough of it. Sometimes, when I am caught in the middle of a limbo, my mind will wander to thinking about the people who had graced my life and asking where are they now. Through the long road down the memory lanes, i found out that the more I dwell on it, the pain that comes with it grows and someday it will be unbearable for me to cope with it anymore.
Someday, I have to turn the tables again and be strong for myself..erect my walls and don't let people hurt me easily.
No, I won't rescue you to just desert me,
I cant give you the heart you think you gave me,
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables"
-Turning Tables by Adele-
During one of her interview for her new album, Adele told the reporters that her main inspiration of her songs came from the break up of her relationships. Listening through her songs, you can feel the raw angst flowing through her voice and it seeps into your heart through the melodies that she created. I may not be an amazing singer as she, but I can relate her songs to my stories.
In my life, many tables had been turned by people..they all come and go, they became fragments of my memories. Every day, I will meet new faces and creating new memories that I hope it will last longer than the previous ones. However, when the reality sinks in, those fragments are trashed into dust of glasses swept by the wind.
I am an extremely private person and its hard for me to let someone in, let alone trust that person fully. But, lots of people have turns the tables on me and frankly, I had enough of it. Sometimes, when I am caught in the middle of a limbo, my mind will wander to thinking about the people who had graced my life and asking where are they now. Through the long road down the memory lanes, i found out that the more I dwell on it, the pain that comes with it grows and someday it will be unbearable for me to cope with it anymore.
Someday, I have to turn the tables again and be strong for myself..erect my walls and don't let people hurt me easily.
Thursday, 19 May 2011
Days go by and yet it stays there...
Have you ever wonder about yourself when you feel like you are alone and there is no one cares about you...or wondering why they keep teasing you. I know perfectly that I was not born perfect and NEWS FLASH! None of us were born that way. I was not meant to be poked and jeer at for everything that I am.
I guess i should realize that I am Unique and Different...that what will makes me become memorable.
To borrow some words from the ultimate Unique musician in the 21st century:
"I AM BEAUTIFUL IN MY WAY, CAUSE GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES, DONT HIDE YOURSELF IN REGRET. I WAS BORN THAT WAY!
Leave my stamp in this world!
I guess i should realize that I am Unique and Different...that what will makes me become memorable.
To borrow some words from the ultimate Unique musician in the 21st century:
"I AM BEAUTIFUL IN MY WAY, CAUSE GOD MAKES NO MISTAKES, DONT HIDE YOURSELF IN REGRET. I WAS BORN THAT WAY!
Leave my stamp in this world!
Wednesday, 18 May 2011
In the Dark
If only they know the meaning behind this song.....
One of the best song she did before she went crazy with stupid gimmicks!
Tuesday, 17 May 2011
Stop Start Stop Shut Up!
Different!
That is what I consider myself as, I am different compare to other guys that I know.
People see me as soft, less tougher compare to the other guys. I dont follow the norm of what Boys usually do. I love to be me, but if there is one thing that I want to change about myself is my will to know everything. A Busy body is what people would describe me, if they know how nosy I am.
I would go ask people what is up and what they are doing..... guess that is one of my flaws.
So i should stop doing it..start to be confident...stop being a busy body and should Shut Up from now on!
That is what I consider myself as, I am different compare to other guys that I know.
People see me as soft, less tougher compare to the other guys. I dont follow the norm of what Boys usually do. I love to be me, but if there is one thing that I want to change about myself is my will to know everything. A Busy body is what people would describe me, if they know how nosy I am.
I would go ask people what is up and what they are doing..... guess that is one of my flaws.
So i should stop doing it..start to be confident...stop being a busy body and should Shut Up from now on!
Dreams
I had a very vivid dream last night, a strange dream that keeps coming in during my sleep like a tidal wave. I am not trying to decipher that it means anymore like I used to do.
Last night I had a dream, a weird dream that makes me feel like I was transported to another world where the exact opposite of the reality occurs. I will not try to understand what it means anymore, I am tired of it.
Today...will I have another undesirable dream again? What are you try to tell me from these dreams?
-Dreams-
"Now here I go again, I see the crystal vision
I keep my visions to myself
It's only me who wants to wrap around your dreams and
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell,
Dreams of Loneliness, like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering
What you had, And what you lost
What you had, oh what you lost"
By: Fleetwood Mac
Last night I had a dream, a weird dream that makes me feel like I was transported to another world where the exact opposite of the reality occurs. I will not try to understand what it means anymore, I am tired of it.
Today...will I have another undesirable dream again? What are you try to tell me from these dreams?
-Dreams-
"Now here I go again, I see the crystal vision
I keep my visions to myself
It's only me who wants to wrap around your dreams and
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell,
Dreams of Loneliness, like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering
What you had, And what you lost
What you had, oh what you lost"
By: Fleetwood Mac
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